What I'm about to tell you is probably the most unbelievable thing I have ever seen. You are just not going to believe me, but I swear it's true. I have seen it with my very own little peepers. Okay, here goes. My mother takes a bath or shower EVERY SINGLE DAY! Unreal! Some days she takes two. I told you you wouldn't believe it. What is even stranger is that she actually seems to enjoy it. She just lies there with her head back on the tub and sometimes she even goes underwater! Can you imagine! Underwater! It's shocking I tell you, shocking. I like to sit on the edge of the tub and I watch in amazement. Twice I fell in and I was not a happy camper. Mommy grabbed a towel and dried me off and then took her hair dryer and got most of that nasty water out of my fur. Mommy said I looked like a drowned rat. I wonder when she saw a drowned rat before. I guess there's still a lot I don't know about life since I'm only five years old.
Mommy only gives me a bath when I poop on myself. Can I use that word - poop? Usually, though, she lets somebody else do her dirty work. She takes me to a groomer. I think this is a form of animal cruelty and I wish you would report it for me. Groomers can be so mean. Thank goodness she doesn't take me very often. I'm always so happy to see her when she picks me up, but I'm mad at her at the same time. How could she leave me there all alone? It's tough sometimes being a kitty with no voice.